


hey there, demons. it's me, ya boy

by TheLegendOfChel



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Fluff and Humor, Gift Fic, Humor, M/M, Minor Violence, buzzfeed unsolved au, this is very silly pls don't take it too seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25820323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLegendOfChel/pseuds/TheLegendOfChel
Summary: Lance believes in ghosts. Keith is a skeptic. Together, they host a popular youtube channel where they investigate alleged hauntings.This time, however, they may have bitten off a bit more than they can chew.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 200





	hey there, demons. it's me, ya boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Isas_Identitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isas_Identitty/gifts).



> This is a birthday present for my friend, Isas_Identitty. She asked for Lance and Keith being hooligans and breaking into an abandoned building, and it somehow turned into this, lmao. Hope you like it, Isa! (๑¯◡¯๑)

“We’ve made it to Arus Hospital,” Lance told the camera in a hushed voice. “Twenty years ago, a fire killed thirteen patients and staff. The damage was massive, and the building’s been abandoned ever since, but people in the area claim they sometimes hear screams in the night as if someone is inside burning alive.”

A snort interrupted Lance’s dramatic pause.

“A haunted hospital?” Keith asked. “Isn’t that a little cliché, even for us?”

“Clichés happen for a reason, Keith,” Lance said. “People die in hospitals more than most other places, so it makes sense that there would be more ghosts there.”

“Ghosts aren’t real.”

“Hupupup,” Lance sniffed, pressing a finger to Keith’s lips. “Save your naysaying for the investigation.”

When Keith eyed Lance’s finger like he was debating whether to bite it off, Lance quickly pulled back.

“Uh, Lance?” Hunk’s face peeked out from behind the camera. “Are we even allowed to go in there?” He shot the large ‘Keep Out’ sign a nervous look.

“Yeah, I don’t care about poltergeists or whatever, but I do not want to get arrested for trespassing,” Pidge said, adjusting her grip on the boom mic. “Again.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Lance flapped a hand at them. “This place has been abandoned for so long that no one checks on it anymore. We’ll be in and out, and nobody’ll be the wiser.”

“Besides our four million subscribers, you mean?” Keith asked wryly.

“Well, duh,” Lance said, “but what are they gonna do, call the cops?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Come on, let’s just go already,” Lance groaned. “We’re wasting time.”

His companions exchanged a dubious look, but followed Lance onto the property. Since no one had maintained it in years, the only real security was a heavy chain looped around the door of the iron fence, but it was loose enough that they could easily squeeze through the gap. The front entrance to the hospital was locked, but a quick look around revealed an open window they were able to crawl in through.

Soon enough, the four walked down the empty hallways, dark except for their flashlights and the pale moonlight that shone softly through the windows.

“Why did I agree to do this?” Hunk muttered. “Hospitals are creepy to begin with, let alone haunted ones.”

“It’s not haunted,” Keith rolled his eyes. 

“Oh yeah?” Lance said. “Then why is my EMF meter reacting?”

He shoved the device in Keith’s face, and Keith smacked it away with an irritated scowl. “That thing acts up at everything. Last week it reacted to Shay’s earrings.”

“Her _haunted_ earrings!” Lance exclaimed. “Which I told her to get rid of because clearly they were possessed.”

“They were the same earrings she’s worn for years.”

“Well,” Lance paused, “maybe she had a run in with a ghost recently and it latched on.”

Keith rolled his eyes so hard it looked like it might have hurt. Though a part of Lance was annoyed at the other man’s skepticism, he knew it was a large part of what made their show popular. Plus, though he would never admit it, Lance enjoyed their banter. One of these days he would prove to Keith that the supernatural was real, and then he’d lord it over Keith’s head for the rest of their lives.

Lance was a junior in high school when he first started his youtube channel, Enigmas Unsolved. After convincing his best friend Hunk to be the cameraman and his other friend Pidge to record audio, the trio visited a handful of local mysteries, places where some great tragedy happened or where someone disappeared. They maintained a small but loyal following.

It wasn’t until Keith joined them that their channel really blew up. They all had homeroom together, and one morning Lance was talking loudly about the next location he wanted to investigate - the alleged base of a demon worshipping cult called the Blade of Marmora - only to be rudely interrupted by a loud scoff. Naturally, it was Keith. He and Lance got into an argument that somehow ended with Lance challenging Keith to join them so he could prove to Keith that the supernatural was real. To Lance’s surprise, Keith accepted.

While Lance wasn’t able to convince Keith that night, he did realize that Keith was the missing element their show needed. Keith’s remarks lended a dry humor that balanced things out when Lance got a little too carried away. The viewers seemed to agree, flooding the video with comments about how much they enjoyed watching Lance and Keith bicker, and Lance had to admit that Keith’s company made their investigation more fun than before, so he swallowed his pride and asked Keith to join the show permanently.

Keith surprised Lance once again by accepting, and from there it was only a matter of months before Enigmas Unsolved became a huge success. Four years had passed since then. Lance, Keith, Hunk, and Pidge all decided to attend the local university, and were therefore able to keep making the show in their free time.

Their number of followers wasn’t the only change. Keith, for all his grumpiness and refusal to give into Lance’s theories, ended up slotting into place in their little friend group even outside of the channel. He bonded with Hunk over motorcycles and found a kindred spirit in Pidge when it came to dry wit, often teaming up with her to roast Lance, much to his dismay.

Keith and Lance grew closer too. Lance discovered that beneath the veneer of sarcasm was the heart of a loyal friend who got them all out of more than a few scrapes over the years. Keith was brave and smart and funny and had pretty eyes and silky-looking hair and okay maybe Lance was a little bit in love with him but that was a problem for another day. Right now they had ghosts to find.

“Oh look,” Keith gestured through the door with a deadpan expression. “An empty room. Scary.”

It was Lance’s turn to roll his eyes. He pushed past Keith, focused on the readings of his EMF meter. 

“It’s reacting way more strongly in here,” he told the camera. “Could this be where one of the victims died?”

“You do know that thing responds to electricity, right?” Keith asked. “This side of the building is probably just closer to the power lines outside.”

Ignoring him, Lance dug a pen out of his pocket and placed it on the floor. “Spirits, if you’re there give us a sign!”

They all stared at the pen for a long moment until it started to roll slightly.

“Aha!” Lance said triumphantly. “See?”

“So the floor is a little uneven,” Keith shrugged. “Big deal.”

With a huff, Lance beseeched the pen to move again. It did not. 

They journeyed on to another floor of the building, and Lance noticed his breath fogging up in front of him.

“Cold spots,” he informed the camera wisely, “a classic sign of ghosts.”

“Or it’s just a lower temperature here because of a change in altitude,” Keith said.

“A change in altitude of one floor?” Lance bit back.

“Theoretically, it’s possible,” Pidge piped up.

“It was already pretty cold,” Hunk added.

Seeing all his friends were ganging up on him, Lance pouted and continued to explore. His grumbling was quickly forgotten, however, when they came across a wing of the hospital that was unlike the rest. Giant scorch marks covered the walls and floor, and the furniture looked like it would crumble at the gentlest touch.

“This must be the area that caught fire,” Lance said.

A solemn silence reigned while the friends pondered the tragedy that brought them here. After a moment, Keith frowned.

“Wait,” he said, “if this is where all those people burned to death, that means they couldn’t have died in that other room.”

Blinking, Lance flapped a hand at him. “It’s a hospital, Keith, I’m sure there are other ghosts here too.”

“How convenient.”

They continued onward. Hunk made sure to get closeups of the damage caused by the fire.

“Look at this,” Lance whispered urgently. He pointed to a scorch mark that resembled a human face screaming in agony.

“I don’t see it,” Keith said.

“Wha-” Lance flailed. “What do you mean you don’t see it?”

Crossing his arms, Keith shrugged. “It doesn’t look like a face to me.”

“Sure it does! Look, here are the eyes, that’s the nose, and that’s the mouth.”

Keith squinted and leaned closer. Lance bit off a warning not to touch it - if Keith got cursed, it was his own fault - before Keith shrugged again. “Sorry, man, it just looks like a blob.”

“Ugh, you’re impossible.”

A little while later, Lance led them into another room.

“This was the room of one of the victims, Mary Shepard,” Lance said. “She was supposed to be released from the hospital the day after the fire, and people say she haunts this place to this day, resentful that she survived a difficult surgery only to die anyway.”

“Wow, sucks to be her,” Keith said. 

“Keith!” Lance hissed. “Be more respectful, she might hear you!”

“Isn’t that what you want?” Keith asked. “A response?”

“Not if it ends up murdering you!”

“Aw, you’re sweet,” Keith smirked, “but I’ll be fine.”

Ignoring Lance’s flustered look, Keith stepped further into the room. “Hey, Mary, if you’re there come get some. I ain’t afraid of no ghost.”

Lance facepalmed. When a handful of tense minutes passed and nothing happened, Keith turned back to the camera.

“Either this ghost doesn’t exist or she’s a coward.”

“Why do you always have to insult the ghost of the place we’re at?” Lance asked.

“To freak you out.”

“Of course,” Lance sighed.

They continued to explore, but didn’t find much besides more cold spots and a couple of mysterious stains on the ceiling that Lance was convinced looked like blood. Comparing the shapes of the stains to the face scorch mark from earlier, Lance hypothesized that they were the spirits’ attempts to communicate. Keith remained skeptical, of course, but Lance knew he was onto something.

“I’ve connected the two dots,” he insisted.

“You didn’t connect shit.”

“I’ve connected them!” 

Finally, they reached the last area: the basement.

“Did the fire even make it down here?” Keith asked dubiously.

“No,” Lance admitted, “but it seems like the kind of place ghosts would hang out.”

“If you say so.”

They found a set of double doors that looked promising, but upon trying to open them Lance realized they were jammed.

“Dammit,” he said. “There’s something in there, I can feel it.”

“That’s what you said about the last five rooms,” Keith pointed out.

“This time is different!”

With a groan, Lance stepped back. Keith glanced between Lance’s pout and the door, the furrow between his brows softening as he took in Lance’s apparent misery.

“You really want in there that badly?” he asked.

“Yes,” Lance replied.

Keith sighed and said, “Okay, step back.”

“What-”

Planting himself in front of the doors, Keith pivoted in place, brought one leg up, and _kicked._ A loud bang echoed through the hall almost as loud as Lance’s racing heartbeat.

Deadpan, Keith gestured through the now open doorway. “After you.”

Lance, Hunk, and Pidge all stared, their jaws hanging open. When none of them moved, Keith rolled his eyes and walked through, and the others scrambled to catch up.

Upon entering the room, however, Keith came to a halt so suddenly Lance almost crashed into him. Annoyed, he peeked around the shorter man and froze.

“What,” Lance said, “the fuck.”

They were in a huge cellar, the walls and floor made of dark cement. On the other side of the room, someone had painted what looked like a satanic spell circle that covered most of the floor. Five candles rested equidistantly along the circle’s circumference.

The candles were lit.

After a long moment of shocked silence, Pidge whirled on the others.

“Okay,” she glared, “which one of you idiots did this?”

“It wasn’t me!” Hunk said. He looked over at the circle and blanched. “Is...is that blood?”

“It’s probably just paint,” Lance assured him. “Besides, this is great! Finally, evidence of the supernatural. Well, Keith? Still don’t wanna believe?”

To his surprise, Keith spun around and grabbed Lance’s arm.

“We need to go,” he said.

“What?” Lance frowned, pulling out of Keith’s grip. “No way, man, we’ve gotta record this for the show.”

“Lance, this isn’t a game,” Keith scowled. “We really need to-”

The double doors behind them suddenly slammed shut, making everyone jump. They all rushed to pull them open, but they didn’t budge.

“Nonononono,” Hunk muttered under his breath. “I knew coming here was a bad idea.”

“Seriously, whoever’s behind this, you’re taking it way too far,” Pidge scolded. “Lance?”

“It’s not me!” Lance threw up his hands. “It’s the ghosts!”

Rolling her eyes, Pidge turned to Keith. “Okay, Keith, very funny, we have plenty of footage of Lance freaking out now-” “Hey!” “so unlock the doors.”

Keth opened his mouth to reply, only to snap his head around to stare at something behind them. A shiver ran down Lance’s spine. Partly hoping Pidge was right and this was all an elaborate prank, Lance slowly turned around.

Three figures stood inside the circle. Each wore long, dark robes. The one in the middle lowered their hood to reveal a young woman with pale skin, oily black hair, and crimson eyes that glowed faintly in the dark.

“Look, sisters,” she grinned, revealing long, sharp fangs. “It seems we won’t need to go out for dinner tonight after all.”

The two groups stared at each other, predator and prey, until Keith broke the silence.

“Well,” he said, “they’re not ghosts.”

\-----

Lance’s heart pounded and his lungs burned as he and Keith raced down the abandoned hallways. After the vampires or demons or whatever they were jumped them, Lance, Keith, Hunk, and Pidge scrambled to get away. Fortunately, there were other exits in the cellar they were able to escape through. _Un_ fortunately, they got split up in the process, and Lance desperately hoped Pidge and Hunk were okay.

Lance wasn’t quite sure how to feel. On one hand, he was ecstatic to finally see solid proof of the supernatural. After seeing their pursuers scale the walls and leap several feet through the air, any doubt about the authenticity of these creatures was firmly put to rest, and Lance couldn’t wait to shove it in Keith’s face after they got out of here.

On the other hand, they had to actually survive in the first place. Being chased by a murderous creature of the night was, as it turned out, not very fun. Lance was pretty sure the only reason they hadn’t been eaten yet was because the thing stalking them liked playing with its food. No matter how fast they ran or how many turns they took, their pursuer’s laughter and footsteps seemed to remain the same distance away.

“We’re never going to lose her at this rate,” Keith said, echoing Lance’s thoughts. Glancing around, he yanked open a random door and grabbed Lance’s wrist. “In here, quick!”

The door shut behind them. Feeling a little hysterical, Lance said, “You really think this is gonna-”

“Shhh!”

They waited with bated breath as the woman drew closer. Despite the fact that Lance’s heartbeat seemed loud enough to be heard for miles, she walked past their hiding place and continued on. Once the footsteps faded, Lance and Keith relaxed ever so slightly.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Lance whispered. “Should we go?”

Keith shook his head. “Not yet. Let’s take a moment to catch our breath.”

“Good idea.”

Now that the immediate danger was gone, Lance examined their surroundings. They were in a supply closet of some kind, all three walls lined with shelves, and the only light filtered in through the tiny window in the door. 

The closet was barely big enough for one person, let alone two. Lance hadn’t really noticed before, what with the evil vampire and all, but he and Keith were practically nose to nose. Keith went in first, so his back was pressed against one of the shelves, bracketed by Lance’s arms from when Lance must have subconsciously placed his hands on the wall for support. As a result, Lance essentially had Keith pinned.

Suddenly thankful for how dark it was, Lance tried to move back to give Keith some space, only for Keith to suddenly latch onto the front of Lance’s shirt. More heat rushed to Lance’s face, but before he could say anything, Keith raised a finger to his lips.

“Shhh,” he whispered. “Do you hear that?”

Lance went still. A moment later, the sound of footsteps echoed down the hall.

“Don’t move,” Keith said, his voice so quiet Lance felt it more than heard it.

The footsteps continued to pace, their gait the same steady rhythm as before. This time, however, Lance wasn’t scared out of his mind, and instead couldn’t help but focus on the man trapped with him.

Keith’s body was practically pressed flush against Lance’s, a delicious combination of firm muscles and soft curves that scorched Lance’s skin even through the layers of their clothes. Lance was a few inches taller, and could feel Keith’s warm breath against the base of his neck. One of Keith’s hands still clutched Lance’s shirt, and his other rested on Lance’s shoulder, a thumb absentmindedly stroking his collarbone.

“I think she’s gone,” Keith said. “Let’s go before she comes back again.”

When Lance didn’t move, Keith looked up at him, violet eyes just barely visible in the gloom. “Lance?”

“Keith,” Lance licked his lips. “We might die tonight.”

Keith’s face softened. The hand on Lance’s shoulder reached up to cup his cheek, and Lance automatically leaned into the touch. 

“It’ll be okay,” Keith said. “We’ll find Pidge and Hunk and get out of here.”

His eyes had a familiar stubborn glint that Lance often found equal parts frustrating and beautiful. It chased away some of the uncertainty in Lance’s heart, but he still felt the need to finish what he was saying.

“If we don’t make it-”

“We will.”

“If we don’t,” Lance insisted, “there’s something I wanna tell you, now, so I don’t regret it.” Violet eyes widened before narrowing. Lance swallowed. “Keith, I-”

“No,” Keith interrupted.

Lance blinked. “What?”

“If you’re about to say what I think you’re about to say,” Keith said, “save it. We are not doing this in a closet. We’re gonna find Pidge and Hunk, escape this fucking nightmare hospital, and then you can tell me, okay?”

Thoughts swirling through his mind, Lance sighed. “Okay.”

“Good. Now let me see if there’s anything in here we can use.”

Lance stepped back and watched as Keith rummaged around the closet for a bit before grabbing a mop tucked into the corner. Keith propped it up at a shallow angle and stomped down hard on the wooden handle, breaking off two pieces, each about a foot long. Whittling one end into a point with the knife he kept at the small of his back, Keith handed Lance the makeshift stake.

After checking that the coast was clear, Keith turned back to Lance and hesitated. When Lance shot him a questioning look, Keith pressed a quick kiss to Lance’s cheek.

“It’ll be okay,” he said again, blushing under Lance’s stare. “I’ll protect you.”

He hurried to leave, but Lance caught Keith’s wrist and tugged him back.

“I’ll protect you too, Keith,” Lance said, bringing Keith’s hand up to press his lips to Keith’s knuckles. 

Keith’s pink cheeks turned a lovely shade of red. Side by side, stakes in hand, they walked out into the hall.

“So,” Lance whispered, looking down at the stake, “you think these guys are vampires?”

“Even if they’re not, stabbing them will probably at least hurt them,” Keith shrugged. He held a stake in one hand and his knife in the other.

Lance nodded. If nothing else, having a weapon made him feel a little more in control of the situation, even if that feeling was wishful thinking.

They snuck through the halls, occasionally ducking into an empty room if they thought they heard something. None of their hiding places turned out to be another cramped closet, and Lance wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

By some miracle they made it back to the cellar unscathed. A large cage now stood on one side of the room with Pidge and Hunk trapped inside.

“Lance! Keith!” Hunk whisper-shouted as they hurried closer. “I thought we’d never see you guys again!”

“Good to see you too, buddy,” Lance patted his arm through the bars. “Let’s get you out of there.”

Wordlessly, Keith dug a hairpin out of his pocket and began to fiddle with the lock. This skill had come in handy a number of times in their adventures, but never quite like this.

“Lance, they took our equipment,” Hunk said. Pidge grimaced beside him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” Lance shook his head. “The most important thing is getting out of here alive.”

“We have to hurry,” Pidge added. “One of them could be back any minute.”

Keith gave the hairpin one last twist and they heard a click. Swinging the cage door open, Keith said, “Let’s go.”

After some back and forth they decided to try the front entrance in the hopes that it could be unlocked from the inside. The four of them made their way upstairs as quickly and quietly as they could. Entering the main lobby, Lance began to think they might have a chance of escaping after all when a low chuckle rang out from behind them.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“RUN!” Keith shouted.

The group burst into action. Up ahead, Hunk and Pidge managed to crash through the exit, but Lance’s relief was short-lived when the doors slammed shut before he and Keith could reach them.

On the other side, Hunk and Pidge realized the others were left behind. They ran back, but the doors wouldn’t open.

“Lance! Keith!” they both cried, banging on the thick glass between them.

Lance glanced over his shoulder and saw that the vampire was still walking towards them, her steps slow and steady, and her lips curled into a smirk.

Turning back to his friends, he said, “Just go! We’ll catch up with you. Go!” he shouted when they didn’t move.

With promises to come back with help, Hunk and PIdge reluctantly ran away. Lance and Keith turned to face their pursuer.

“Don’t worry,” the vampire said, “my sisters will bring your little friends back soon enough. In the meanwhile, let’s have some fun together.”

Exchanging a look, Lance and Keith held their stakes at the ready. 

As a self-proclaimed professional ghost hunter and paranormal investigator, Lance had imagined himself coming face-to-face with the supernatural many times, confident that his innate skill and know-how would be enough to win any such encounters.

Throwing himself to the floor just barely in time to avoid being decapitated, Lance was forced to reassess things a bit. It was painfully obvious that the only reason Keith and Lance weren’t dead yet was because vampires apparently liked to play with their food. After what felt like hours, both of them were covered with scrapes and bruises, breathing heavily as their bodies grew weary. The vampire herself looked no worse for wear, having dodged all of their attacks with ease.

“I don’t know about you two, but all this running around has made me quite parched,” she giggled. “Hope you don’t mind if I take a little drink.”

In the blink of an eye, she moved behind Keith and latched onto him, sinking her fangs into his shoulder and drawing a strangled cry from Keith’s lips. Lance’s stomach dropped. However, almost immediately she jerked back and spat a mouthful of blood onto the floor. Keith tried to use the opportunity to swipe at her with his knife, but she knocked it away and grabbed him by the throat, lifting him up into the air.

“Filthy little half-breed,” she hissed. “How dare you trespass into our territory? Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take to get the taste of your tainted blood out of my mouth?!”

While she continued to spit curses at Keith, Lance crept up behind her. He didn’t think, he just looked at Keith’s pained face as Keith clawed at the vampire’s hand on his neck, gasping for air, and Lance drove the stake into the vampire’s heart.

The vampire froze, and for a terrifying moment Lance thought he had missed, but then she let go of Keith and crumpled onto the floor. Lance and Keith stared at each other over the corpse.

Lance opened his mouth, hoping to say something cool and witty, when a sudden force slammed into him, hurling Lance against the wall with a loud _crack._

Pain erupted across his entire body. He was vaguely aware of Keith screaming his name, but it was hard to hear over the muffled ringing in his ears. 

Struggling to stay conscious, Lance tried to get back up to help Keith, but he couldn’t convince his body to move. Consciousness faded in and out, and Lance must have hit his head pretty hard because the flashes of what he did see didn’t make any sense.

He saw Keith standing in front of him, shadows whorling through the air. He saw the two remaining vampires attack Keith, but Keith seemed to move at a speed even greater than theirs, dodging their blows and retaliating with his own. He saw the knife Keith always kept with him elongate into a sword, the blade burning with an eerie purple flame. 

Lance’s last thought before he finally passed out was how pretty Keith’s eyes looked when they glowed in the dark.

\-----

When Lance woke up his head hurt like a bitch, but at least he was alive to feel the pain. Squinting against the bright light, he took in the plain white walls, the simple curtains on the window, and the gently beeping monitors that stood next to his bed. 

Movement in the corner of his eye drew Lance’s attention, and he looked down to find Keith sitting next to his bed, back curved in what had to be an uncomfortable position with his cheek pillowed on his crossed arms inches away from Lance’s knee. Keith’s face was pointed toward Lance, though his eyes were currently closed in restless slumber. Dark eyebrows furrowed, and Lance couldn’t help but reach out to run his fingers through Keith’s hair.

The soothing motion seemed to help, and Keith’s face smoothed out with a little sigh. After a moment, the lovely, violet eyes Lance adored so much fluttered open and looked up at him, blinking slowly before widening.

“Lance!” Keith shot up straight. Lance’s hand fell away and he awkwardly set in on his lap instead. “You’re awake! How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” Lance answered honestly. “But I’m alive, so at least there’s that.” He paused. “I am alive, right? I didn’t get, like, turned into a vampire or anything, did I?”

“No,” Keith assured him. “You have some nasty bruises and a minor concussion, but the doctor said you’ll be fine in a few weeks.”

Lance breathed a sigh of relief. Then he blinked and swept an assessing gaze over Keith. “What about you? Are you okay?”

Come to think of it, Keith got just as much of a beating as Lance did, but looking at him now Lance didn’t see so much as a scratch. If anything, he looked _healthier_ than when they started this whole mess.

“Keith,” Lance said, eyes narrowed in suspicion, “what exactly happened?”

Keith ducked down, as though trying to make himself appear smaller. “How much do you remember?”

“Hunk and Pidge got out of the hospital,” Lance recalled, before gasping. “Are they okay?!”

“They’re fine,” Keith quickly replied. “They went to get lunch, but they’ll be back soon.”

Relaxing, Lance returned his thoughts to the events of last night. “After they escaped, you and I got locked in. We fought one of the vampires, then I,” he swallowed, “I killed her.”

A hand rested on top of his own, and Keith said, “You saved me.”

Lance squeezed back with a weak smile, and continued, “Then a freight train hit me outta nowhere and I passed out.”

“It was the other vampires,” Keith said. “They were pissed you slayed their sister.”

“I don’t remember much after that,” Lance admitted. “Just flashes. This is gonna sound crazy but...I thought I saw you using, like, magic or something to fight them.”

He expected Keith to roll his eyes and scoff. Instead Keith opened his mouth, closed it, opened it against, then looked away with a small cough.

“Keith,” Lance said, “what happened? Please, tell me the truth.”

Keith sighed. With a cautious glance at the closed door, Keith met Lance’s eyes and said, “When you didn’t get back up, I...I feared the worst. I was upset and there was no one around anyway so I stopped holding back. Once they were dead, I checked on you and realized you were still alive so I took you to the nearest hospital. Ran into Pidge and Hunk on the way.”

“What do you mean,” Lance asked slowly, “you stopped holding back?”

“I’m...not entirely human.”

By this point, Lance had been expecting an answer like this, but hearing it out loud, and especially hearing from Keith, felt like a shock to his system.

After several seconds of trying to scrape his thoughts together, Lance croaked out, “Explain.”

“You remember the first case I joined you on?” Keith asked.

“Sure,” Lance said. “We went looking for a demon worshipping cult.”

They found clues indicating that someone once used the building for ancient rituals long ago, but nothing more recent like what Lance had hoped for.

“Yeah, the Blade of Marmora is less a cult that worships demons and more a clan of actual demons,” Keith said. “The chances of you finding them were slim, but I figured I’d tag along just to make sure. It would have been annoying to have to relocate again.”

“Wait,” Lance blinked, “so...you’re a demon?”

“Half-demon,” Keith corrected, “on my mother’s side.”

“Ah,” Lance said faintly. “I...I think I need a minute.”

Keith waited patiently while Lance mentally re-evaluated his entire life. After a lot of internal screaming and questioning the universe, he turned back to Keith with the question that kept popping up in his mind.

“So, all this time,” he said, “have you just been working with me...with us to, what, keep us off the trail so we didn’t expose your clan?”

Lance wasn’t sure whether to feel flattered or hurt. Maybe both.

“That’s how it started,” Keith admitted. “Hiding the supernatural gets harder every year thanks to modern technology and the internet, plus if you guys did find my clan you probably would’ve gotten yourself killed. I figured going with you was the safest bet for both sides.”

“Oh.”

“But,” Keith glanced away, his cheeks turning a pretty pink, “I didn’t expect to enjoy it so much. Hanging out with you guys was the most fun I’d had in a long time, so when you asked me to join the show I said yes.”

“Oh,” Lance said again, this time a little less heartbroken. “Well, I’m glad then. Even if you have been sabotaging us this whole time.”

Keith crossed his arms with a huff. “You should be grateful. Do you know how many times I’ve saved your dumb ass because you can’t stop poking your nose where it doesn’t belong?”

Instead of feeling chastised, Lance perked up. “So some of the places we’ve investigated really were haunted?”

“Haunted, no,” Keith said. “Cursed? That’s another story. About eighty percent of the places we check out are fake, but the rest of the time you tend to attract evil an awful lot. It’s weird.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I think it’s because you have an unusually pure soul,” Keith shrugged. “Makes creatures of the night wanna eat you.”

“What can I say,” Lance winked. “I’m a snack.”

Keith rolled his eyes again, but Lance was pleased to notice his cheeks burn a bit brighter. 

“The point is,” Keith said, “you and Hunk and Pidge became my friends and I didn’t want any of you to die so that’s why I joined your stupid youtube show.”

“Aww, Keith,” Lance placed his hand on his chest, “you do care.”

“Shut up.”

Lance teased Keith a bit more before curiosity finally got the better of him and he started grilling Keith about the supernatural. Either Keith felt guilty about lying to him for so long, or he figured now that Lance knew some of it he might as well know more, and answered his questions with minor grumbling.

“So vampires and demons are real, but ghosts aren’t?” Lance asked dubiously.

“Yup.”

“What about werewolves?”

“Those are real.”

“Mermaids?”

“Real, but I’ve never met one.”

“Elves?”

“Fake.”

“Witches?”

“The politically correct term is mage.”

Eventually the conversation turned into an argument about whether ghosts could still be real even though Keith claimed they weren’t. Hunk and Pidge returned with lunch. Keith shot Lance a panicked look, clearly pleading with him not to reveal his secret to their other friends. Lance felt a little bad about lying, but gave Keith a subtle nod. He wouldn’t betray Keith’s trust, even if Keith was a jerk who refused to admit that just because he’d never seen a ghost didn’t mean they didn’t exist, demon or no demon.

There was hugging and crying, mostly on Hunk’s part, and the group discussed what they had witnessed.

“The authorities checked the place out earlier today,” Pidge told them, “but there wasn’t a trace of the vampires. No satanic circle, no cage, nothing. They found our equipment, but the footage was corrupted,” she added mournfully.

“At least we didn’t get into trouble for being there,” Hunk said. “And y’know, survived.”

“I guess,” Pidge sighed.

“I’m sure we’ll find more evidence,” Lance grinned. “Especially now that we know the supernatural really exists. Which reminds me, Keith. You gonna admit I was right?”

Keith shot him an unamused glare. “I said ghosts weren’t real. I never said anything about vampires.”

This, of course, led to yet another debate while Hunk and Pidge exchanged weary glances. To his surprise, Lance actually found it more amusing to argue about the occult with Keith now that he knew Keith was secretly a member himself.

“Well, this was fun and all,” Pidge said, loudly interrupting them, “but I’ve got to go. I have a paper due tomorrow and I doubt my professor will accept ‘vampire attack’ as a legitimate excuse for being late.”

“I’m gonna head out too,” Hunk added. “Lance, I’ll bring you some homemade soup tomorrow. It’ll heal you right up.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Lance smiled.

“Coming, Keith?” Pidge asked.

Keith hesitated before shaking his head. “I’ll stay a bit longer. I don’t have any classes tomorrow.”

“Suit yourself.”

Pidge and Hunk said their goodbyes and left the hospital room. Alone once more, Keith and Lance merely looked at each other for a moment, neither quite sure what to say.

“So,” Lance finally said, “you, uh, said before that if we survived I could...tell you that thing I wanted to tell you.”

Keith’s eyes widened. He bit his lip, his expression suddenly shy in a way Lance had never seen before. It was cute.

“Are you sure you still want to?” Keith asked. “Even after finding out what I really am?”

“Honestly? Yeah,” Lance said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still processing everything, but,” he carefully took Keith’s hand, “you’re still you, Keith. And I...I care about you. A lot.”

“Lance,” Keith breathed.

“We’ve been friends for a really long time,” Lance continued, “and I was wondering if maybe you’d want to try being...more.”

Big, violet eyes stared back at him, filled with hope and fondness. His cheeks a lovely shade of pink, Keith licked his lips and said, “What exactly do you mean by more?”

“Keith,” Lance took a steadying breath, “would you be my boyfriend?”

Those lips curled into a smile so beautiful it made Lance’s chest physically ache.

“Yes,” Keith said. 

“Oh,” Lance replied dumbly. “Good. Uh, I mean, that’s great. I mean…”

Lance tried not to panic when his brain refused to respond. Instead of realizing Lance was an idiot and immediately dumping him five seconds after they started going out, however, Keith just rolled his eyes and gestured for Lance to scooch over. Lance did so, and Keith crawled onto the bed to lay beside Lance, tucking himself close like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Lance’s brain finally rebooted and he moved his arm so they could cuddle more comfortably. Apparently approving, Keith let out a soft little sigh and rested his head on Lance’s shoulder, draping one arm over Lance’s waist, careful of his bruises.

“Let’s take a nap until the nurses kick me out,” Keith said. “Slaying vampires is exhausting.”

“You do that often?” Lance teased.

“Only when they try to eat my cute boyfriend.”

The word ‘boyfriend’ made Lance’s stomach swoop, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. And Keith had a point. The excitement from last night plus the revelations of today must have taken a toll on Lance’s recovering body, and combined with how comfortable he was with Keith snuggled up next to him, Lance could feel his eyelids already beginning to droop.

A pair of soft lips pressed against Lance’s cheek.

“Sleep,” Keith murmured. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Lance asked, already half gone.

“I promise.”

Safe, warm, and happy, with the man he loved held close in his arms, Lance fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Some fun facts:
> 
> The channel’s title “Enigmas Unsolved” is half a parody of Mystery Inc. and half a reference to Buzzfeed Unsolved.
> 
> Keith has a spinoff channel where he does shorter videos about alien conspiracies. Lance finds it ridiculous that Keith believes in aliens, but not ghosts. He still helps make the videos though.
> 
> Shay’s earrings were actually cursed, but Keith took care of it. He never told Lance even after the reveal.
> 
> I just finished watching the What We Do in the Shadows TV show, which may or may not have influenced how dumb and full of hubris the vampires are in this fic. Highly recommend the show, especially if you like the movie.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! (*ˊᗜˋ*)/ And a very special Happy Birthday to my friend, Isa! Hope you enjoyed this silly gift, haha.


End file.
